so... this summer, or the summer of 2017, was the summer of all the things...
It was one of those periods that moves so slowly, but at the end you realize that even though you were mostly bored, you did a LOT, and you're proud of what you've accomplished, even though the whole time you were complaining that it wasn't going fast enough and that you're ready to GO BACK TO WORK ALREADY. Maybe it was just the damn retrograde sun or whatever.
If you're wondering about the title of this post, this quote explains it.
Isn't it sooooooo true?
There have been many times in my life I had tired of my BS and done something about it. There was the time when I tired of depression and went to a therapist to get diagnosed so I could finally lead a better, happier life. There was the time when I tired of flailing about trying to find "jobs" because that's what I was "supposed to do," even though I hated it, so I started my business then.
And now I have reached the limit of another BS point:
Playing small. Waiting quietly for my turn to be "chosen." Putting limits on my capabilities and results and pretending it was all very logical. Not being the BADSASS that I could be because of a myriad of things, most of all fear.
You know what I mean? It's that feeling that you get when your life has been underwhelming and predictable. Or when you notice that you've been apologizing a lot, even though there's nothing to apologize for.
Naturally, I looked for women (because I am one, duh) who share my values (because they matter, duuuh), and I also asked other people (my coach, my friends, etc.) for recommendations. The two books everyone suggested were You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero and Playing Big by Tara Mohr.
"You Are a Badass will help you: Identify and change the self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviors that stop you from getting what you want, blast past your fears so you can take big exciting risks, figure out how to make some damn money already, learn to love yourself and others, set big goals and reach them - it will basically show you how to create a life you love, and how to create it NOW."
"In her coaching and programs for women, Tara Mohr saw how women were "playing small" in their lives and careers, were frustrated by it, and wanted to "play bigger." She has devised a proven way for them to achieve their dreams by playing big from the inside out."
Some of the links on this site are affiliate, which means that when you buy something, you send a tiny portion of your gratitude my way. I stand 100% behind my recommendations, as everything I do is for my fellow creative rebels.
And let me tell you, reading those books was EXACTLY what I needed to get out of this small mindset of just doing enough, of never tooting my own horn, of working slowly and staying in my comfort zone, always.
After reading You Are a Badass (in one day), this happened:
- I created a Vision Board
- I started my daily mediation practice
- I went back to my nightly affirmations (that help a lot!)
- I transformed my website and my brand in a way that showed off my products and expertise and accomplishments
- I started noticing how I talk about things and swiftly turning the script around to more positive and confident statements
- I started believing that I truly deserve an outstanding life (this was accomplished with the help of more practices, mentioned below)
As for Playing Big, I'm still reading it. It explains WHY we all share our collective self-doubt, and it's so far identified a few pesky blocks I'll need to work on.
It's incredible to think that some of the most talented and passionate women out there must share our fears and even underplay their strengths because of FEAR. If you look at any one of your creative rebel heroes, you'll find them talking about this or you can ask them, and they'll probably say they were a hot mess in the beginning, when they didn't have the external validation we all chase. But they did have something more important and more powerful than that.
Here's the thing--
Which is where the following "techniques" come in handy:
- 3 good things
- mindset work
- vision boards
Those are all good habits to pick up (and sustain) because they build up a naturally strong and positive resistance against all the negative BS inside you. Take up any or all, and you'll be much happier than you ever have been, and you'll feel inflated and abundant, which will help a LOT with your confidence.
That's at least what's been happening to me this summer.
Thanks to Jen and Tara, I've been intentional about my inner dialogue and even how I talk to others about things that I desperately need (hello, money!). And to be honest, I couldn't do this stuff before. I couldn't sit still to meditate because my mind couldn't stop buzzing. I couldn't attract anything positive because I spent my days complaining and bargaining. I stubbornly refused to "work on it" because it's hard work, it doesn't pay in money, and well, who knows if it will work even though everyone I admire and respect swears on it.
Remember what I said about tiring of your BS? Or rather, what Liz Gilbert said? Obviously, I was full of BS when I refused to try some real useful things because of pride or prejudice or whatever. (Including a book by Osho, which I know in my heart of hearts I need to read.) Some friends even called out me on it. I think in my case it was just me not thinking for myself and accepting old-fashioned stereotypes and beliefs I did not hold but inherited from someone else.
Which is NOT what rebellion is about!
Rebellion is about trying things for yourself, without prejudice, and picking the things that fit and discarding the things that don't! Simple.
So this was it for me. I got tired of apologizing for who I was and who I was not, of underplaying my strengths, and ultimately, of playing small, like Tara Mohr calls it.
And guess what happened - I took action. Action brings change, and change is progress, especially when it is the kind of change that overrides your BS.
So here I stand, on the other side of it, praying to my guardian angels and my muses that they NEVER let me go back to that tiny Violeta who didn't feel like she was good enough or deserved to have everything she wanted.
And I'll let you in on a secret. Are you ready?
Your subconscious part of the brain is like a sponge and it absorbs information in words, pictures, actions, etc. your whole life. And while you can change your mind about something, changing your mindset is a whole other story. The subconscious part is responsible for all of your limiting beliefs, your mental blocks, and everything that stands in your way, and most of us don't even know how to access it! Right?! It's not like they teach us at school about it.
Thus our success depends on us being able to access that part, or at least use our conscious minds to override the more damaging mindsets.
So at first it was someone giving you ideas: your parents, teachers, peers, etc. Then it became you doing and saying it because it was already somewhat deeply ingrained in your brain. Finally, you didn't do anything to stop it from digging its heels even deeper into your subconscious - because most of us don't think about these things - until one day it became overbearing and frustrating, and not to mention very difficult to change. Le sigh.
Remember I said you need to find a way into your subconscious or at least consciously influence it in some way? That's what people do with affirmations, journaling, meditation, and so on. It's hard work, but it's not impossible work, and because I want you to get back on your badass track, I'll share my "hack:"
When I go to bed, just before I fall asleep, I repeat my mantra/affirmations until I fall asleep. I do it at night, but you can do it in the morning also, the theory behind it being that when the brain waves switch (beta, alpha, theta, etc.), that's when your conscious and subconscious form a bridge. It's like the transition opens a door, and you can access/influence the latter a lot easier.
By the way, I am NOT pulling your leg...
I am a highly logical person and I almost never engage in what you would call "woo woo" practices (except when I do the tarot), but I did this "night affirmation" thing a few years ago and noticed there was an immediate effect, like the next day. Usually it would take a few days, but the more you do it, the faster it works. And also, make sure the mantra/affirmation you repeat is the same one every day because if you mix them up, it will confuse your brain.
Wanna know my nightly affirmation? It has to do with today's topic:
I deserve to be happy and successful.
I would repeat this when I'm falling asleep, when I wake up, when I meditate, when I look at my vision board, and even when I take a pause to reflect or just relax during the day. The deserve part helps improve my confidence, the happy helps me be happy (duh!), and the successful part is just my current goal.
Remember, the key to a successful mantra/affirmation is to feel something when you say it, something good. It's like you say it and something clicks inside of you that first time, so you choose it, and you become bff's.
Now it's your turn!!!
What kind of BS have you been tired of lately? (Of your own.)
What's standing between where (and who) you are now and where (and who) you want to be next?_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.
When you look in the mirror, do you look at yourself with adoration or do you avoid meeting your own eyes? ________________________________________________________.
When you do meet your eyes, what do they say exactly? Voice your thoughts. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.
Are there any books/resources that have changed the course of your life and/or your thinking? __________________________________________________________________.
Are there any books or other types of resources that people keep recommending to you, but you resist them? _____________________________________________________.
What's stopping you from trying them? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.
Do you think that maybe your brain is throwing fear and false reasoning at you to keep you in your comfort zone? What would it take for you to give them a try? _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.
Those are only a few of the questions you need to ask yourself if you have a problem similar to mine. Here, I typed them all up for ya:
Work on these questions and hopefully you'll gain some clarity. (:
And if you need any one-on-one coaching, you know whom to go to, don't you? Yours Truly has some spots open, so check out m'bundles.
Finally, know that you are priceless. So don't you dare take that pricelessness away from the world, and don't tone it down because of a man, or a woman who makes more money than you, or a spouse who just doesn't get it. I just know that you are meant for great stuff. Soon you will, too.